Thursday, September 16, 2010

When I was 12...

The first time I felt like a failure - or like I wasn't good enough - was when I was 12. I remember watching the winter Olympics and seeing Kristi Yamaguchi win the gold medal in figure skating. I didn't think she was that much older than me, yet she had accomplished so much. I remember being really upset and wondering how come I hadn't won a gold medal. Why hadn't I taken on something to the point where I could earn a gold medal? Was I that lazy and untalented? Had I just been wasting my life?

Then when I was 16, I felt it again. I went to some random concert in Plano that featured insanely talented musical prodigies who were all younger than me. I had played piano and violin, but only like your typical kid who had to practice for hours just to eek out some semblance of a song. I really felt bad then, because I had never given the effort or had the talent that these kids had.

It happened again through high school and college. As I was about to graduate, I wondered how come everyone was getting "power jobs" at big prestigious companies and I was staying in Austin to work at a small, local company?

Luckily, since college I've felt less like a "failure" and more like a normal person. My type-A personality certainly puts up a fight, but usually I overcome it. In fact, when I turned 30, I took inventory and was actually pretty proud of what I'd accomplished in my life.

That being said, I saw a speaker tonight that brought me right back to the way I felt when I was 12. How come I'm not the CEO of a 60 billion dollar company? How come I don't have my MBA and am making more money than I know what to do with and managing global business strategies and speaking on college campuses and kicking ass and....

Seriously, I need a reality check!!!

I was inspired and impressed. I was jealous, too. But, I guess if that's who I'm meant to be, I will be that. (And really, is that what I really want? Because if it is, wouldn't I be trying to work up to that?)

I need to calm down!

By the way, is it weird that I get way more excited about seeing a renowned business executive than I would be if I were to see Brad Pitt? I love business.