When life gets in the way...

I've been getting emails lately asking if I'm okay. Apparently if I'm not smiling 24/7, a small alarm goes off and the instant reaction is "Something is wrong with Erin!"

For the record... I'm fine. But I am ridiculously tired and ridiculously FULL. Full of really great, fantastic, wonderful things.... But still, I'm full.

I think opting to forgo Ironman this year was one of the best things I could have done, because my workouts seem to get cut first. I'm making it to less and less spin classes these days, which is sad since they were always the one workout I wouldn't sacrifice regardless of how busy I was. Nowadays, sleep trumps spin the majority of the time. I haven't ridden my bike outside for over 5 miles but once since CdA. I haven't run outside since Christmas, and I've run inside maybe 2-3 times. I have swam 4 times, I think? That might be rounding up, actually! I still try to hit the gym most days, but if Chris isn't there I don't go. Needless to say, Erin's 2010 Fitness: Fail.

I feel really disconnected to my training friends because I honestly can't relate to what they are up to. I support them of course, but I also think they are crazy. In a good way, for the most part :). Then there is the jealousy, that feeling that I wish I could be doing what they are doing. Then comes the negative self-talk, "if you just would wake up earlier and be more consistent and eat better and carve out more time..." Ugh, make it stop please!!!!

Another interesting thing I'm finding about not training for anything is that I don't see my friends as much. I miss them. I can't remember the last time I saw some of my friends, and that distresses me. I try to carve time for them, but without that shared interest/goal - it's really difficult. I definitely don't see my friends as much as I'd like, and at times I feel a lot of guilt for not making more of an effort.

So, back to the part where I seem a bit "off." Lots of good things are rocking my world right now. They just so happen to be really big things, that need lots of time and energy and attention and focus. Unfortunately, being an athlete didn't make the cut this year, and training (plus my friendships) is something that kept me pretty grounded.

On a positive note, when I stop for a moment to look back at all the things I've learned recently, via my job, my business, my house, and my relationships, I am amazed. I am indecisive and decisive all wrapped up in one. I am having fun yet I am completely stressed out. I am proud and I am scared. I am determined. I am busy as can be. I am laughing at myself a lot. I am living and I am full. So even if I seem a bit "off" I'm still the same happy E on the inside.

(By the way, I really do appreciate being asked.)