Thursday, January 18, 2007

I Burned My Tongue With Ferret Poop

Do I have your attention? Sadly, the title of my blog post is true. Today, I burned my tongue with ferret (well, palm civet actually) poop. One of my coworkers actually spent $160 for a bag of paradise coffee. I shall now show you... the bag.

Uh, what exactly is going on in that picture, Erin? Why... that's a palm civet, my friends. A palm civet who is eating coffee beans, and, well, pooping them out into a coffee mug. Dear god.

Without going in to further detail, I will just tell you that this is the world's most expensive coffee. So... as a team, my company decided we would all partake in trying this coffee. One of the owners brought a coffee grinder and his espresso machine, and brewed up coffee for everyone.

There are some things in life that you don't have any desire to do. Drinking coffee that was pooped out by a ferret is one of them. But, trying the most expensive coffee in the world? Well, I had to. Wouldn't you?! Besides... everyone was doing it!

So, there you have it. Today, I drank paradise coffee. It was too hot, and I burned my tongue. And it had a hint of, what is it, oh yes - barn yard to it. But, I can now say that I've tasted the world's most expensive coffee.

Oh, and if you're interested - here are snippets from the emails we've been sending back and forth for the past two days. All names have been removed to protect my coworkers, uh, dignity?!

Wed, Jan 17th - 10:46am - Breaking news. The coffee is in. Repeat, the coffee is in. If anyone has a bean grinder, bring it in. It is time to enjoy the sweet taste of ferret and/or weasel. Please advise if we have the means to make it.
Wed, Jan 17th - 4:35pm - Lets just say I have never tasted coffee like this. Tomorrow should be very interesting!!! Lets just say there is a little hint of farm yard!! Time to seperate the men from the boys and the women from the girls.

And, some tidbits from today's emails, after our afternoon coffee break:
3:41pm - The Weasel's got me!!
3:54pm - Palm civet. Not a weasel, a palm civet. Please don’t upset the animal, it's temperament is important to us all.
4:01pm - My stomach hurts and I feel a cold sore coming on.
4:02pm - Surely you are not blaming the coffee, [X]. We all know the real reason for your sore, don't hide behind the civet.
4:07pm - The only way to be in the civet club officially is to drink the full amount given to you. Please reply if you have qualified for full membership in this elite club. I have had 2 full servings
4:15pm - I am proud to say I am an active member (at a junior level). I think the degree of effect the civet juice has on you should also determine what level of status you hold in the club. I, for one, am significantly buzzed, and thus, the secretary. I hope to work my way up towards treasurer for the upcoming fiscal year. Word to the wise, don't mix the civet juice with day-quil. Gives you the shakes in all the wrong places.
4: 17pm - [X] You are either a full member or not a member. It is very similar to only being a little bit pregnant. Please refrain from commenting on this forum unless you truly are going to become a full member. Also I saw not one but two 50.00 cups of civet java not consumed fully. Grand Poupba [X] is there some type of penalty for this?
4:18pm - 2.5 cups. And, as proprieter of said club, I must set membership qualifications at that level. [X] gets the exemption as it was his machinery we used. [X] and [X] are out since they didn't even like it. All others are junior members.
4:38pm - I am now at 3 cups I can,t get enough civet poop.
4:47pm - If we could only harness the power of the Civet for good instead of evil, we could stop global warming.
6:13pm - Just talked to Al Gore. He says "My work is done on Global Warming. But, I need to tell you about the next large threat to mankind. Entire economys and empires will be destroyed. Maps will have to rewritten. What is it? Civet coffee abuse." Stay tuned for Al's new movie "An inconvient poop"

*For the record, I sure hope I come up with something better to blog about soon.*

7 comments:

Unknown said...

Kopi Luak is, urm, processed by cats, not ferrets, right ?

Unknown said...

Kopi Luwak. It is particularly good to realise that the beans are roasted as little as possible to preserve all the flavourful goodness & E-Coli.

You'll have to try to Vietnamese version next.

Buzz said...

This is my favorite blog of yours.

Hector said...

If you have a ferret problemo, I can make it no mas.

Sophie said...

I'll ninja star the ferret right in the ass so that it can't poop anymore, or I'll pee on it (they don't like that) and it will leave you alone.

Missychel said...

Does it come in decaf...or would that be "poop-lite"?

also...are you guys hiring? you seem to have way too much time on your hands:)

MW said...

two thoughts come to mind:
1- I think your colleague is making too money if he willingly spends that much money on a small bag of coffee.
2- I have some vey expensive and rare things I could sell your colleague. Is he interested in my one-of-akind $80 barton creek greenbelt rock? I licked it, and it tasted weird. He may like it.
I also have access to some centuries old dirt. It comes from deep deep down, and when mixed with dasani, provides a murky substance that when drunk in 1 cup quantity, provides higher verility in men. I'll sell him a pound for $313. I only have 3lbs of it, so tell him to act fast.
I can also secure things like, pre-digested corn(improves hearing), asparagus smelling dog pee (improves acne), toe nail clippings after 22 mile run (increases brain power). Toe clippings are extremely rare, but i'll have some available tomorrow. Act fast! Quantities are limited!