Sunday Morning Cycling Vent Session

This morning was supposed to be the official start of my coach's "PLAN" for my triathlon season. I should have known better this morning than to show up for the ride. I had a bad feeling about the ride. Here's why:

1. When I texted Panther last night for details, he never wrote me back. I made up a story that I was too weak to keep up with the group, and he didn't want to write me back to tell me. (???!!!)
2. I woke up at 6:00am (we were meeting at 7) with a really bad feeling. I decided that if I could find an extra bike tube, I would go. Well, I found one - so I thought things were looking up.
3. I forgot that my bike was in no shape to be ridden. It was still attached to my bike trainer (which I still have not used), the seat wasn't attached (due to the cycling study) and I had taken my bike rack off the car. I decided to pack it all up and see if I could figure it out while at Runtex.
4. We never could get my seat on right. But Panther managed to get everything else working. After delaying our other riding partner by 20 minutes, we got going.

Now here is where things really did get bad:

1. As soon as we left the Runtex parking lot, I crashed while trying to stop. My back wheel had come off.
2. I couldn't keep up on the first hills, and I swear my bike was screaching at me.
3. When we came to the light, I yelled at Panther that I was turning back. I wasn't at all prepared for 30 miles of hills, however "easy" he said we would take them.
4. At the light, our third rider realized that his frame was broken. At that point, we all had to turn around.
   *NOTE - If I had just waited 2 more minutes to say I was turning around, then Mark would already have noticed his frame was broken and I wouldn't have looked like as much of a wimp. Doh.

So, this was not a good morning. I think we cycled a total of 3 miles. I felt so bad for Panther!!

So here's what I'm trying to deal with now. I really hate cycling. Granted, there are some days when I feel great - but overall I just hate it. I'm completely scared of my bike, and I feel like the weakest person in the world when I'm on it. So, why do I keep trying to ride?!

Most people in the world are completely content just going to work and then hanging out at home. Why can't I be content with that too? Instead, I have to train and train for these races which I will never win. I show up at Runtex with an old bike that I really don't want to ride. I do these long runs with the most horrible 5 month old blister on my foot that hurts like hell. I wake up by 6:00am almost every day to go do some crazy workout - and if I don't go, I'm angry or feel guilty the rest of the day.

I have a great job. Great friends! Other stuff to keep me entertained. So why do I keep doing this? Today - I just don't get it!!

P.S. I'm going to spin class at 10:00am. Sheesh.