Book Club With Myself

I want to start a book club, but I know full well that adding one more thing to my plate at the moment would be a silly thing to do. So instead of being accountable to other people, and reading books I might not want to read, I'm participating in a book club with myself. Pretty cool, huh?

You know what else is cool? Flagging pages with post it notes. I'm reading "As Time Goes By" by Abigail Trafford. I'd heard her on NPR a year or so ago, so I was interested to see a new book by her while I was perusing the library. It certainly was not what I was expecting - the premise is a discussion about what happens to people regarding love and marriage post 50 years old - but it is fascinating none the less. As we live longer, in a society with different expectations and standards, the ideas behind marriage and partnership are changing. The aim of this book is to help people navigate romance and love later in life.

I was going to write about the things I've flagged, but I've since thought better of it. However, I will share one part that I found very interesting:

The socio-emotional selectivity theory of aging. Basically, people are more selective with their social networks as they age. Networks are smaller, but more meaningful and more stable. People need about 10 people in their core group (family, friends, etc.) If you get down to 3, you may become too emotionally isolated. Some couples have too much togetherness, thus the balance between intimacy and independence is out of whack. So, you have to make an effort to hone your circle. You cannot have one person be all things; you need different people to fulfill different needs, to confer social status and offer acceptance. Also, single people often use their intimate circle of friends as their "marriage." They become more likely to nurture this circle throughout the different chapters of life, and cherish their strong social network.

I completely agree with this. When I was a kid, my mom's mission was to ensure that I had a life filled with friends and activities. (She said recently that she never anticipated quite how much I would take this on!) I'm so thankful for my core group - I really would be lost without them. Each person fulfills a different need, offers different perspectives and elevates the quality of my life.

Anyway, I'll be happy to share other parts of the book offline. I definitely recommend it! Perhaps when my schedule calms down eventually, I might expand my book club to more than just one member. You gotta provide your own post-its, though!