"Is it okay that I don't work towards my full potential?"
Before I went to sleep, this thought kept repeating itself, almost as if it was screaming at me. What a strange question, one that has never materialized in such a strong and clear manner.
So, I shall answer it: "Yes. Yes, it's okay."
Wow, what a relief. I'm not sure I've ever allowed myself to say yes. (Fellow Type A's - you with me on this?) If I take something on, I want to do the best I can. If you're going to do something, do it right - right? Yet when did "right" equal "best you can?" Because I'm starting to realize that for me, "right" means "in such a way that you don't drive yourself crazy, but don't set yourself up for failure."
What sparked this? Last night, I was talking to Dionn & Elizabeth about how I won't meet my hours this week for Ironman training. D says, "Did you know we have a recovery bike ride too?" and I said, "Only for people following your "A" plan. I'm on the much easier "C" plan... in fact, make that the C minus plan." This is quite different from Longhorn training, in which I stuck steadfastly to Plan A. I pushed myself, created big goals and the thought of skipping workouts was rare. I had to reach my full half ironman potential. I had to. Right then. Don't fail. Go, go, go.
Where did all of that get me? Well, it got me across the finish line. And it was fun. And I enjoyed breaking my personal record. And then Monday came, and... then what?
I don't want to be one of those people chasing this sport year after year. I think those people are awesome, determined, committed, etc... I'm often jealous of them, to be honest. Their drive is impressive. But it's just not for me. I'm already thinking of taking ballet or belly dancing next year. Or not, who knows. I can tell you that I foresee a future with things far more important to me than this sport.
My long winded point: I am 100% okay with being a mediocre triathlete. By admitting this, I'm not trying to set myself up for failure. But it would take a lot of work to reach my full potential in this sport. For once, I am consciously saying "it's okay to stop short. Nothing says you have to reach your personal best here."
Wow. I've been feeling it all year, but it feels really good to publicly admit this... and be okay with it too.
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erin: double longhorn (Hook 'Em!). entrepreneur. robot lover. traveler. reader. listener. writer. lover of most anything. overall goofball.
welcome to my world!
welcome to my world!
4 comments:
Perhaps you should redefine what you're calling "mediocre" - it's perfectly acceptable to call yourself "stellar" even if you're not running a 6 min mile, consistently biking over 27mph, even on training rides, etc. Think about the MILLIONS of people who would never even think ONCE about doing a triathlon, much less running even one mile. I don't think you're mediocre at all, and neither should you. I faced all of these same questions last year, and it all boils down to moving on. Sure, a race here & there is fun, but when it stops being a motivator or losing the fun aspect, then something's wrong. Finding other interests, other things to be passionate about is pretty cool. It doesn't have to be all tri, all the time, and to be really good at racing takes a considerable amount of training. Yes, it can be done & tons of people do it every day, but it doesn't leave time for much else and you've listed a few other things you want to do and you should go for it! But you should never call yourself "mediocre," and never let someone else's goals become yours.
E - so you got me thinking about this whole potential thing. I'm going to agree with Shorey...you are not mediocre as a triathlete! More importantly, you are not mediocre as a human being and that is what matters more in the end, right?
Fill your life with things you love - whether it's triathlons or belly dancing or ballet or art or cooking or friends or books or robots...whatever. At the end of it all, I don't think you want to say, "Well, I was miserable but I was a damn good triathlete." I don't think there's any joy in a life like that. And maybe a statement like that would mean you hadn't been true to yourself. And perhaps that's a better measure of living up to your potential... maybe the real question about potential is: "Did I live life to the fullest - meaning that it was joyful and meaningful and that I shared that joy with others?" Because I think when we do that, we can't help but be the best person we were meant to be.
Okay, there's my two cents worth of ramblings about potential...I think you're already there. I think you have an incredibly healthy perspective. And I, for one, am grateful to get to be part of your way more than mediocre life!
I love how you vocalized people "chasing the sport." (i.e. killing themselves)...I definitely fall into that trap sometimes (although I'm following the more mediocre B plan!), but mostly identify with your sentiments. There's so much out there that is bigger and better than mile repeats!
I agree with the other two comments--live life to the fullest!!
I love this post, especially since I've been grappling with my running lately and thinking some of these same thoughts during my recovery. I think you have to remember when you're in training groups like we are, to not get swept up with everyone else's goals but to focus on what you really want out of the training. So I completely get what you mean, even though hey, you're going to be an IM soon, which in my world is definitely over-fulfilling your potential. - Leslie
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