Urban Assault Race Report

From last year's Urban Assault Race Report:

"Female only team... Looks like you're... Fourth." UGH!!! Rather than be excited, Lulu and I were pissed. We wanted second (or third). Not that we're competitive or anything! :)

I love Urban Assault. This is such a fantastic way to get in a good ride, bond with my dear friend Kerry, put my Austin map skills to good use and strive for top placing. I was more nervous this year than last year since I knew what to expect; I also didn't feel as prepared as last year. But I did know that the only way we'd have a chance to win this thing was to truly act like we were going to win it. And so we did.

Trash talking started Thursday night. Then came the "visualisation exercises" where Kerry & I acted out our win for Charlie. Yesterday we told Josh that we were so excited to get the red cruiser bikes (the grand prize). Last night we advertised how awesome we were. (By the way, this new "I'm a Badass/Trash Talker" is completely Kerry's influence over me!)

Anyway, on to the race. We arrived around 7:30 - racked our bikes in a good spot - chatted with friends - then lined up in the first wave for our 8:10ish start. The horn blows, mass chaos insues as hundreds of people, most in cloppy bike shoes, run under First Street to transition. Upon getting our bikes, I got stuck in a mass bottleneck of letting people out... finally get on my bike and Kerry and I are off. Things are feeling good.

First Stop: Rogue Equipment on East 5th

This was American Gladiators as Roguers wearing inner tubes tried to prevent us, also in inner tubes, from getting 4 balls from a basket. Trey tried to run into me, but I just yelled "Trey? WTF!" Then Steve tried to get me, to which I yelled "Sisson! Stop it, damn it!" By this point, the brilliant Kerry had already gotten four balls and we were done. Theme for the day: Kerry rocks at checkpoints.

Second Stop: Secret Checkpoint on 43rd/Duval

We were looking for some weird looking dude, and I pulled up to a homeless guy on a park bench asking if he was the clue. He was not. Oops. Around the corner we find a guy in a tutu, afro and fairy wings. His clue: Find the bike shop closest to the "Hi How Are You" wall.

Third Stop: Ozone on Guadalupe

Charlie & Coop were here to cheer us on, as well as Michelle. There was a line, but not nearly like last year. We waited for about 5 minutes before attempting to pick up bottle caps while wearing oven mitts and getting sprayed with water guns. Again, Kerry rocked this challenge. She is skilled with the bottle caps... who knew? ;) This took a while, but by the time we left, the line was already twice as long as when we had arrived. This went so much better than last year.

Fourth Stop: Secret Checkpoint at Austin Bikes

Kerry takes a pic and sends it to Mike, Dionn & Tim. Apparently it isn't a good pic. Doh. Michelle is just standing there saying, "I don't know. Sorry." That's when we start getting bitchy. (Sorry Michelle!) We don't wait around, though, and we take off back towards 24th Street.

Fifth Stop: Pease Park

We drop our bikes near the road, run into the park, and proceed to walk on small kegs to a faraway cone. I was awful... I fell over the minute I stepped on. I threw off my shoes and proceeded to go very slowly down to the cone and back. Then we head to the human wheelbarrow, where I hold myself up on a handcycle, wrap my legs around Kerry's hips, and she pushes me around. I'm sure the pictures here will be just lovely. Once I figured out how to position myself, this wasn't too bad at all. Two obstacles in one, done. We run towards our bikes. I then run past my bike because I didn't recognize it. Granted, it was only one of two there. I think I was starting to lose it here.

Sixth Stop: REI

After taking our awesome little shortcut on the trails, we are greeted with BMX bikes. Kerry is supposed to ride while I balance myself and use a joust to pick up rings on cones. I can't even coorinate myself onto the back of the bike, so we switch. Somehow I'm able to ride it, and Kerry is a pro at the joust. We're done in seconds, again get frustrated at Michelle because she doesn't know the clue (sorry!) and then head off down 6th street.

Seventh Stop: Rowing Docks on Stratford

This checkpoint rocked!!!! We had to jump in town lake (with a life jacket) and swim out and back around a bouy. With a keg. Hell yeah!! I swam side stroke, while Kerry clipped hers to her back. We rocked it. Kerry got slightly distracted by an open cooler, but overall this was a quick and easy checkpoint.

Eight Stop: Austin Nature Center on Stratford

At this point, our clue solving team had figured out the third clue. I got a little lost here navigating through the center, but again - Kerry is a pro and we arrive to get our next and last clue.

Ninth Stop: Bicycle Sport Shop on Lamar

We'd already decided that Kerry is better at bike handling skills, so she gets on a bike and throws newspapers at me while I try to catch them in a box. We screw this up for a few laps, but then she calms down and throws like a champ. Since the TV show Downtown is filming, I have to try and look good, and I start catching like a champ. Then I make stupid gestures at the camera. This was a fun one.

Tenth Stop: Jack & Adams on Barton Springs

I suck at Bike Limbo. That's all there is too it. And again, Kerry is a champ. We had to ride our bikes under a short limbo pole without it falling off. Kerry does it in one try. It takes me four, and I am getting very frustrated at this point. Looking back, this is the part where we were the bitchiest of all. Kerry is frustrated that we can't get the secret clue info out, I am yelling on the phone at Mike, Kerry is yelling at me to calm down, and we all yell at Michelle. (Another theme for the day!) We tell Michelle to take care of it, and head off down Riverside. This had to be one of Kerry's most brilliant moments, because only about a hundred feet down Riverside (a great re-route), does she figure out our final secret clue and we are able to renavigate in seconds. Serious moment of brilliance here!

Eleventh Stop: Pure Austin on 5th

I lose Kerry. Oops. And then I can't find the checkpoint. I think Kerry was shouting more expletives at me than I ever want to know. "This is why we #%(*#% stay together, ERIN!" Uh, sorry!

Twelth Stop: Jo's on South Congress

After some annoying detours around Congress and realization that our legs are nearly dead, we arrive to ride miniature bikes back and forth across the parking lot. And I mean mini. Somehow we manage, get our last bead and take off. Here is where I almost ran into a car and pulled a very death-defying halt. Why, oh why, did that stupid car not GO when the light turned green!? Oh well, we hit the green lights back to Runtex and all was well...

Final Stop: Runtex Riverside

Kerry had this idea to bypass the horseshoe and enter transition where we exited. It was closed. So we threw our bikes over the fence, and Kerry actually hoisted me over. I was too short to climb, so I grabbed on to her and she pulled me through. There were only a few bikes in transition, so I was feeling good - mad that we didn't win, but good that we were finishing well. I asked a volunteer, "first female team?" and got "I think so!" Yes!! Took off our bike shoes, "ran" in our socks back to Runtex, rode tricycles through a course, climbed up the inflatable tower, down a slide into a pool, then threw our bag of beads onto the table.

"Put them on the chain!!" Ah! We struggled to put the beads on the chain. Our hands were shaking... and then... the next female team came from no where and layed down their completed chain. Seriously. That then made us... that's right...second. And this is where we let out a giant "F*#$!!!" (And then a "I'm sorry" because there were tons of kids around. Again, doh!!)

So, we got second place female team. After some venting and stomping and yelling, we congratulated the winners and then decided to go home and shower/change. We were trying to get in the mindset that second was good. Reframe... reframe!!

After showering and getting some water (I was parched; both my bottles had fallen out before checkpoint one, we both felt a lot better. Our friends who we'd bet with sent us a text message and said, "where are you? Beers getting cold." I responded with a, "You're done already? Woah!" Hehe... tricky! The best part was walking up to them post race completely showered and changed and seeing their faces of "Oh." :)

Anyway, we ended up winning a free pair of shoes from Keen and some socks. We also got to promote Grease Monkey when we went on stage. And we still have something to strive for next year... The pressure is on, first place female next year! And those winner cruisers still look mighty appealing.

Thanks to our team on the street and behind their computers. Sorry we were so bitchy. :) Of course, I personally couldn't have placed so well or had so much fun if not for Kerry. Yet again, we made an awesome team.

1300 People. Second Place Female. Ninth Overall. Not bad for a Sunday morning. :)