Here is something that really frustrates me: people can change, but oftentimes the people around them are so used to be them being a certain way that they don't see the change. Instead, they assume that person is the same as he/she always has been.
For example, I had a coworker that used to scream at people when he got angry. After talking to our company, he learned that was an ineffective way of managing people and he decided to stop it. He didn't raise his voice at anyone for almost three months, all the while making a very conscious effort to change. But after three months, most people hadn't noticed and still complained that he yelled.
It's hard to see change in people, especially when you don't know to look for it. It's very frustrating when you've changed and people don't recognize it.
So what got me on this rant? I feel like I've been pigeonholed by a number of people close to me - "You're always complaining about XYZ." "You don't like XYZ." or most recently, "You never listen to my advice. I might as well be talking to air."
Argh! In each of my above situations, I have made a determined effort to change. But people assume I'm still the same... so it's like changing doesn't matter. I'm still perceived the same way I was before.
Anyway, this is probably a bit too rant-like, but I just wanted to get it off my chest. Perhaps my takeaway is to look at people in your life who have been trying to be different and recognize them if they have been successful. Don't assume they are the same as always. The end!
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4 comments:
For the record, I don't know who you are talking about, but I do know this...
People who EXPECT you to take their advice aren't really giving "advice". They are trying to boss you around or control you.
Advice is someone else's opinion on what you should do with your life. Sure you listen to it, but then you have to decide what's best for you...by yourself. I don't think that you should change doing that at all!
That's just my advice though, you don't have to take it ;-)
does this mean you will return to Panera after 3 months of telling me you're burnt out?
also, people tell me all the time I'm weird, but I truyly make a conserted effort to be strange. Why do they only see the weird in me and not the strange?
I could not possibly agree with this entry more. There are a couple of people in my life who are EXACTLY like this, meaning, no matter how effectively I've demonstrated a truly constructive change, they can't (or won't) see it.
My opinion is that it's fear-driven. What if you DID change, just like they asked you to? Then what would they bitch about, or would you now find fault with them, or might you suddenly be "better" than they are?
Yeah, this one hits a nerve with me, too. I think I like Jane's advice!
P.S. - Wiley, you ARE strange, but in a charming way that's not at all weird. :)
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